dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
