Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Enjoy the penises
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
