Nicole vs. Life
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize