He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
