I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize