Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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