I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
