That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
