He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
