Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i think i have herpe
just one?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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