I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
