Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
