I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
