i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize