I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
and you said cock pushups were impossible
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
