My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
