alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
