after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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