I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
