Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
