I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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