I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
