its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize