Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
