I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
oh god was she eating orange peels again
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
