I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
