Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
