Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize