I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
