I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
