Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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