is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
