its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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