so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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