You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
