I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
no you cant smoke seaweed
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize