why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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