Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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