So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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