i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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