What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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