oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
