So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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