You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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