they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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