i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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