he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
her facebook's as public as her vagina
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
