Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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