He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
