I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
and she was petting her beer can
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
