I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
