I have demons in me.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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