what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
