Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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