What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
