one might say we're banned from that church
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
