I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
