im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
