there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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