i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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