Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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