hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
