Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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