he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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