i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
