That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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