I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
