You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
