Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
