I got chris browned last night
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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