Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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