On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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