Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
smell my finger.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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