Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
