I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
