I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
