I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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