I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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