i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
