I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
