you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize