Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize