You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
