weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
