My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
