Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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