I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I'm really busy with my period
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