I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize