i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
