my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize