we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
