All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
