There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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