mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
