The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
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