Dude my mom stole all your condoms
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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