Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
