i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
